What do you think of my story?

Your story is very good, but your sentence structure and general grammar needs some editing: pronominal possessives need to be indicated by punctuation; there are some superfluous commas that are not needed with conjunctions and some conjunctions that need punctuation, etc. Line editing comes with time. Right now, I think, you have the general idea of a beginning, middle, and end of the story; you have the idea of character (the reader's heart rends for your protagonist); you have the idea of setting. Your descriptions are good, if not a bit florid, and your POV in the story was pretty solid. Your spelling and grammar just needs to develop more with your already developed gift of storytelling. I'd like to read more of your stories. :-) Alex