Bad personality?

Well here the deal I had a really hard childhood and abusive father who went to jail no social life except church and no or a girlfriend. I’m older now and I pretty much moved on but I still hold on to a lot of it. I’m a very introverted person I don’t let people get close and it ruins my friendships. My best friend and I got into a fight over the Christmas break because I couldn’t loosen up and have a good time. I’m so afraid that someone is gonna pick on me again that I usually try and beat them to it. And I do it through my condescending attitude. I gave Brandon so much attitude this weekend and I hope I didn’t ruin our friendship over something stupid how can I man up and move on help me help myself thanks! I know I need to build my confidence at times I can be a really pitiful person and as a man it’s not a good quality help me change. People really like me I get told how much of a nice person I am but I can't except peoples good comments I secretly think their talking about